You have, I'm guessing, noticed that my not-so-quiet mind has gone quiet. At least, on the page. I can see how it might be easy to suspect that I've gone quiet on the page because I'm busy being noisy, noisy, noisy on other pages. Namely, short story and novel pages. Written pages intended for print. Alas, that is not the reason for the silence this time.
The real reason I've been absent (more painful for me than you, I'm sure): Nine house guests in the span of 2.5 weeks. Six of them at once. In a loft. A large loft, yes, but a loft with no walls nonetheless. A live+work loft which means, by extension, my office. My office where I need to get work done. Getting work done with children running about and adults waiting around to be entertained is...well...it is not conducive to getting work done. Any kind of work. Actual work to pay bills or writing work. I'm behind on work, I'm behind on writing, I'm behind on blogging. I'm in a state of perpetual catch up but can't seem to find an escape hatch to a space that is not occupied by a visitor.
I also had a birthday celebration. 33. Yes. Getting up there.
Hence the silence. Hence the I'm-too-busy-ness.
And then, out of nowhere, there is this: I'm engaged.
Yes. Yes. All very exciting. I have much to say on this as well. Much. But I will at least say this now, to be clear: I do not approve of the wedding industry. I think it is crap. I think it ruins women's minds. I have been a bridesmaid 14 times (I'm a few days into 33, so do the math -- 14 weddings in the past 8 years -- and you will begin to understand my particular brand of bridal-industry/wedding hoopla loathing) so I know the game and I'm not going to play it.
But strangely, strangely -- what a divine thing -- this engagement. I knew I'd be with this man forever, this lovely man who is silly and serious and expands me in a way that no other me+another combination quite does. I knew we'd be "life partners" no matter what. He knew that too. We've often talked about how cool we'd be to never get married. To throw sand in tradition's eyes. Sting her a bit. Yet strange how the formalization of it has shifted something in me. Ever so slightly. Almost imperceptible..but just so. A confirmation of sorts? For someone who never had her sights on getting married, I'm shocked by how delighted I am. Not quite sure what it all means. But I do know this: I am still me, he is still he, I have a lot of writing to get done and now is not the time to go all soft and mushy at the center (literally and figuratively!)
Also, this: I refuse to purchase a single bridal magazine during this entire process. Simply refuse.
The final Swan Show post, my A.M. Homes reading experiences, and many other things will follow. As soon as the shock wears off, the house guests scurry away, and I've had time to mellow. Adjust. Soak & seep.