Some things I learned about myself & others while liveblogging the Oscar's over at Ed's:
- It is not ideal to "borrow" a low grade wi-fi signal (while watching TV at a friend's house) whilst attempting to blog rapidly, in real time and have any hope that your posts will appear on the intended site in a timely fashion -- for if liveblogging requires anything, it requires snappy posts that are posted at the exact moment it's still snappy; five minutes later and you will find that funnier posts are already up about the same subject and you might as well stop trying to hit publish for the fifth time because if your post does eventually get up there, you seem to be master of the obvious and little else. Takeaway: Remain near your own very strong wifi. Or, more to the point, do not promise to live blog a televised event when you are not in possession of a television.
- It is not advisable to half-stand/half-sit with your laptop balancing on the unusually high arm of an unusually fluffy couch so that your typing arms must be lifted almost to eye-level, just wavering in the air with no ergonomic support, and then proceed to type for several hours in this position. If this happens to be the only position in which you can access the weak wi-fi, you should possibly call it a night. Takeaway: My shoulders hurt and I could use a massage. Must ask Ed about blogger's comp packages. I also think this injury was sustained during overtime, seeing as how we were blogging on a weekend, after hours and all. So is a massage covered? Who do I see about this? Does Return of the Reluctant have an HR department? Who will treat me? Dr Mabuse? Or the dreaded Bat?
- Liveblogging the Oscars, or any event, with a bevy of talented writers is intimidating. Until you realize that they know just as much about Britney Spears as you and have just as much to say about hemlines and dresses as they do about plot structure and a well-crafted sentence. I was apprehensive about participating, fearful that I'd be found out as a pop culture fraud with my insolent posts dirtying up the literary observations of the other writers. Such nervousness was unnecessary. We all seem to possess a shocking amount of pop culture trivia -- more than I think any of us could admit without being inebriated. Takeaway: If excellent writers that I admire can make fun of Cameron Diaz's ridiculous dress and read Beyonce's mind as well as I can, I think it is possible that I will write and publish a book yet. Really.
- I am both funnier and less interesting than I thought. In that order. Takeaway: Need to work on the latter.
- The Oscars are best viewed under the influence of...something. Why? They are the same, the same, the same as they have always been. Much like I imagine Days of Our Lives to be. I haven't watched it in over a decade, but I'm pretty sure if I tuned in, I would find that little has changed and I could pick up right where I left off. Or just as easily tune it out again. Takeaway: Liveblogging the oscars + champagne is really the only reason to watch the Oscars in the future. Ever. Really.
- Hollywood is best appreciated when you only have to watch one Hollywood event a year -- and even that is pushing it. Everyone was so busy kissing up to everyone else, I couldn't help but feel I would rather be doing a million other things with my time including washing my dog and scrubbing my toilets. So many important things are going on in the world that it seems strangely remiss for an entire industry to to get dressed up, preen about, and gladhand each other to celebrate, ostensibly, art. There were some good films that were about real issues, but by and large, the Oscars seem to be quite a large circle jerk and I'm pleased they have passed us by. Takeaway: Read books, they are better for you. Unless the film in question is very good. And how can you know? You can never go wrong with a book. Well, almost never.
- Speaking of my dog, it seems wholly inappropriate that my English Bulldog, named Oscar, was not with me while liveblogging the Oscars. It was a night for the brits was it not? He should have been there. I had even whipped up pithy post titles like Blogging the Oscars with Oscar, Oscar's Oscars and so on. Sadly, he had to remain at home (near the strong wi-fi signal and no tv) so that I could travel down the road to a friend's house for her painful weak wi-fi, her excellent television and her dog (Blogging the Oscars with Hannah doesn't have the same punch). Takeaway: If ever there was a time to celebrate with my own Oscar, it is during the Oscars. I've always wondered how he would respond to hearing his name that many times in the span of a few hours. By famous strangers no less. Perhaps it would have given him an inflated sense of self. One never knows with the bulldogs.
- There are no surprises in Hollywood, despite what Chris Connelly said throughout the night. Can it be called a surprise if you don't really care? Is it really an upset if you weren't invested in the first place? I wonder. Takeaway: Life is far more surprising (and joyful and interesting and complicated and complex) than simple, simple Hollywood. Life is something to care about, to invest in.
- One bright shining moment from liveblogging the Oscars that stands out above all else (I'm serious now, really): it is lovely to be in the company of other writers. Quite lovely. If it means I have to blog the Oscar insanity again to find myself in such excellent company again, well, then, consider me signed up for next year. Takeaway: Spend more time with smart writers. It is good for the soul.
And now back to the lit life in LA...which is, well, where I live and so perhaps I won't truly be able to escape the Oscar season until the over-analysis and super-analysis has cycled through a few times. I give it until...the LA marathon on Sunday.
