It is alarming, shocking, and downright...weird?...how much data you can miss in a week. I might as well be in Tahiti sipping Tahiti Drink or a Hinano, blissfully aware that I'm unaware of all the data that is being posted and read and discussed and commented upon and re-discussed in my absence.
But this - this being here but being sick and missing out on so much that it's no different if I had been in Tahiti - this, in the words of Walter Sobcheck, will not stand, man.
How have I missed the new Etgar Keret story in LA Weekly? It posted on the 2nd! It is worth a read, as all his stuff is. I'm guessing it is part of his forthcoming collection of short stories, The Girl on the Fridge, due out from FSG in April.
The obligatory teaser with gratuitous swearing and sexual innuendo:
"Suddenly I could do it. I’d say “Freeze!” and everyone would freeze, just like that, in the middle of the street. Cars, bikes, even those little motor scooters delivery guys use, they’d all stop in their tracks. And I’d walk past them till I found the prettiest girls. I’d tell them to drop their shopping bags or I’d take them off a bus, bring them home and fuck their brains out. It was great — it was really, really great. “Freeze!” “Come here!” “Lie down on the bed!” And after that, wham-bam. The girls I had were incredible, centerfold material. I felt fantastic. I felt like a king. Until my mother butted in."
I'm sure it's only a matter of time (or, more precisely, about as long as it will take me to read all those unread Google reader posts) before I learn that this has already been covered ad nauseum in my fever-hazed absence.
If I yelled "Freeze!" loudly and with purpose would it convince you I'm on the mend and will be back in better (always dicey to say "top" here, eh?) form soon?
